There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
whose ass print is on the piano?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
