On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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