I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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