I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
so much tequila, so little girl.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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