im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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