well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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