if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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