I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize