No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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