i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
