I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize