super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
