She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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