Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
