So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
