I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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