Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Randomize
