if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize