he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
