I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
