She is in my trunk
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
