I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You're a waste of cheezeits
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
