I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Randomize
