I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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