The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
