if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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