DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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