atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Randomize
