Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
