There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
