i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
