he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
A+ Viking dick
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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