we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
