I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
you mean i was at the winter classic?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
