im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
