I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
