Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
