Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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