life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
