I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
