a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Enjoy the penises
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
