My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
