worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
