Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
