I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
