Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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