going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
