the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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