Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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