i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
