She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
