mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
