It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize