i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
