Sry I called you an 8
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
