she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Randomize
