awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
