Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
can u get pink eye on your cock?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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