she sounds like chewbacca in bed
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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