My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
