I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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