my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
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