he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
