bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
