K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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