woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
