why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
