the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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