he thought i was a dude.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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