then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
