I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize