i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
