I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
