I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
