Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i wish my penis had a tongue
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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