Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
