I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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