How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
