I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Everyone says I win the strip club
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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