Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
