i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
