I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
