i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
