I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
