I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
