he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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