now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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