I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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