why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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