can we get nightvision for the apartment?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
