I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize