is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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